10 month 2 weeks and 1 day

So I figured out what I'm getting him for Christmas! I'm so excited :) I just know he is going to love it, he is always talking about it. I still need to order it via Amazon.com and that will take 5-8 business days, so I need to do that right when I get home today. I definitely want to give it to him before I leave for Christmas, so next friday when I have my Christmas with my mom. I'm going to miss him so much over the break, but we've been apart for a longer time period. If we can handle 2 months, im sure these 2 weeks will be nothing.
     I bet you're wondering why its titled 10 month 2 weeks and 1 day. Well its been 10 month 2 weeks and 1 day since he asked me out back on that January night. :) 1.22.10
     Oh and incase anyone was wondering (which I doubt) I did not make the show. Sad, yes I know. But hey whatever, I dont care.

H&B::F&A
taylorbam:)

why??

have you ever had the feeling where something is yours and you love it so much you want to share it? and once you share you wish you didnt? well i shared something i love. and now i want it back. i want it all to myself. i dont want to be a bitch, i want you to make it, but i still want to be better than you. is that bad? im secretly scared that you will do better than me and i dont want that. its not that i want to do better than you (well actually, yes i do) but i want to be on the same level. ive been doing it longer and i dont want you to pass me up and take it away from me. well i guess we will find out today what happens...break a leg

i feel its time for me to post something..

ugh...i don't even know what to say...my head is pounding my body's shaking. I'm tired of all this bull shit. i don't know what to do, I've tried talking but that always leads to arguments and fighting. i don't want to fight anymore. i never wanted to fight in the first place. did you know that last year i used to cut myself? yeah well i did..(no one knows the whole truth behind that, some people would say i was doing it for attention, that's why i never told anyone before) but that's besides the point, the point is i used to and you are the only thing that is keeping me from doing it again. do you have any idea what its like to want to cause yourself pain just to feel better? sadly its one of the greatest feelings in the world. but their is something else that feels better, and that's love. and you sure as hell haven't shown it much lately. I've been trying to better myself, but its hard when you wont work with me...

i love you so much and honestly i don't think you know how much that is. and its much more than the sex. if it were up to me there would be no sex, its just fun. but why it is that when we go a long time with out having sex we get mad at each other easier and more often? please explain that to me. because the way i see it is that it is starting to become more a physical and sexual relationship...and i don't want that. i don't know what else to say, I'm tired and i need to lay down now..

look I'm not saying that i don't want to be with you or that i think we need a break, cuz its not what I'm saying. i know everything I've said is jumbled up and doesn't make sense but i need to get things off my chest. i doubt you will ever read this but whatever, it doesn't matter. the reason I'm telling you this via blogger is cuz i don't know how else to say it but in words, and although I'm directing this to you, I'm not at the same time, if that makes sense. i want us to be the way we were. i want us back. i miss those days so much. I'm hoping it will only be like this while I'm grounded and once i get ungrounded we will have us back.

Midder Coop

okay so this is getting WAY out of hand! i cant deal with this anymore, you have taken this to a whole new level. you dont even know me yet youre in love with me. how is that possible? please explain that to me. how can you be in love with somebody you have never met? you talk about how we're going to date when i move back and how we'll be the "perfect couple". no im sorry it doesnt just work like that. i have a boyfriend i want and plan to keep. and even if i wasnt going out with him i wouldnt go out with you because; one, you live all the way in cali and two, if my best friend doesnt want me to go out with someone then i wont. shes the one who knows you, like actually knows you. i have never met you and i dont see it happening anytime soon. i dont know what you keep thinking? that someday ill show up out of the blue? this is reality not youre wildest dreams. im cinderella but you are not my prince charming now why is that so hard for you to understand. its just a simple concept you need to grasp.

H&B::F&A
taylorbam:)

PERFECTION

ive created another blog i want you guys to follow along with this one. its called perfection.
heres the link::
http://bamsfantasy.blogspot.com/

all i want for chistmas is...

my christmas list::
in general i want an iTouch, Couture Couture by Juicy Couture, clothes, and MONEY$$$
best friends: idk something best friends would get best friends
random friends: idk something random friends would get random friends
boyfriend: flowers (roses), Juicy Couture necklace(or heart lock and key necklace)
relatives: iTunes money, gift cards, and the expensive stuff my friends wont get me
mom: another boxer [ i love you Ging. RIP]

haha im not expect this...its just a wish list

H&B::F&A
taylorbam:)

p.s. and santa i want socks!

my LOVELY (<-sarcasm) day

well today was a very interesting day.
-go to school read my book talk to my friends and bf
-1st period read my book and listened to mrs wood complain
-see fried rice and my biffel
-2nd talk to ashley nicole lauren and victoria in fashion marketing
-3rd read book in theatre
-meet bf and walk tater to class
-4a go eat lunch with sethykins and alex and david
-4b meet up wit marissa and find out info abt my bf that i would have rather him told me
-meet up with friends walked away from bf
-5th cried and talked to luis and miguel abt the sitch
-go meet friends and bf, talk to bf abt it
-6th talked to matt, david, taylor, nick, and sara in physics
-met up wit friends, no bf
-7th played monopoly, beat garrison
-went outside to spot with friends, walk to bus, got home ate popcorn and got here.

H&B::F&A
taylorbam:)